Elusive Happiness

Stańczyk by Jan Matejko

I just want to be happy, this is what every person says at one point or another in life.  Every person has a different criteria and belief about it, starting from something simple like having an ice cream cone to owning your own island.  But what is happiness?  Is it the completion of what we want?  Is it the fulfillment of a dream?  Let's delve into what makes us happy and how to make it last.


When we think about happiness, some think about being content, to others it is wish fulfillment, to others it is seeing smiles from other people, others having power and control.  It differs from person to person.  But can happiness really be this vague? It seems so random right?  From reading this blog you already have an idea that things don't always look as simple as they do, and this is no exception.


We ask ourselves about this thing that makes us happy, there always seems to be a common theme --- If things happen the way we want, happiness will come.  And that happiness will last forever and ever, but does it?  Check your experience, I'll wait.  Ready? Yep it doesn't last, somehow something new comes up and that's the next thing we want.  The happiness we get from things never last, because things cannot bring us long lasting happiness.  Reflect on this, think of the last time you felt that kind of "happiness", the happiness brought on by outside stimuli.  Let's say - winning the lottery, the money will be spent, all of a sudden you find yourself surrounded by people saying that they are your friend, just wanting a piece of that winning, you wind up being less happy than when you were standing in line to get the winning lottery ticket.  Or getting a super power like say, everything you touch turns to gold ala King Midas, we know how that story goes.


Yet we rely so much on things - this was both taught and embedded in our cultures - our conditioning.  But if you notice, the moment that thing happens, when we get it, we're happy because we don't have to do anything for the moment.  So happiness is a state of mind, we attach it to a thing, when in fact it is always there, always available.  We just let our minds wander off somewhere, busy with wants and needs.


And since happiness is a state of mind, wouldn't it be possible to choose to be happy?  And I'm not talking about pleasurable happy, but happy and content and satiated.  This is possible if we accept things that are happening, we let things run their course and act and think only as needed.  Experience all emotions but go back to watching and being content and non personal, remember there is nothing personal in this life. and that nothing lasts forever, when we accept this, we have peace and automatically we are happy.


On the other side is sadness, it comes when we expect others to do what we want them to do for us -- we always want something.  If we do something for another, we expect them to repay us in kind.  And if they don't, we get mad, sad and hurt.  Always expecting others to make us happy, but we've never experiences lasting happiness from that, because that never happens.  If we rely on outside factors to make us happy, rest assured that it will never last.  So much sadness is attributed to not wanting how things turned out, but if we introspect on this, we see that things happen because of stimuli, it was the exact effect of a cause, then we start accepting and surrendering that this control that we thought we had is the bringer of the sadness, because we thought we can control, because we think we do.  We do not and we have not controlled anything, if there is one thing we have controlled -- it is how we view things that are happening.  By accepting the experience for it's totality, we go with the flow, we see that all the twisting and turning in the past was utterly useless.


The thing we thought as happiness before, we find out was attachment.  You come to understand this when seeking begins, as the beliefs you have about being happy start to fly out the window. Happiness never left, it's just ideas and thoughts that cloud it, the mind does this and as a seeker, you start noticing it and just let it, looking at it with fascination see the ideas come and go, do not hold on to it.


Being happy is an inside job, don't give others this enormous task.  Think of it this way - if we cant make others happy all the time, what makes us think that others will make us happy always?  It's like doing drugs, only experiencing happiness when riding that high, then you crash.   This is not what real happiness looks like


So start transforming from the you that you think you are to the you that really is, drop all beliefs, peace will come and along with it - happiness


The goal is not to be free, you are already free the only thing is to realize this.  After this is realized, the only thing one wants is happiness, it is the only goal. And remember, happiness is up to you.