Why is there suffering? Why is life so hard that suffering is always looming in the background? Will suffering make me a better person? Is suffering a vital part of my life? Can it end, or am I destined to languish in it's wake? In order to answer these questions, one must ask what suffering is. One must understand it, to make sense of it.
Suffering is sadness, hurt and pain that we feel about situations, a result of things we feel was done to us or by us. A more widespread explanation for suffering is that it could be either physical or mental. Physical suffering we call pain, either from a disease, a wound, broken body parts and so on. But more often than not, suffering is used to describe emotional strife, be it hatred, doubt, grief, heartbreak, guilt, anxiety, there are a lot more to be sure.
My definition of it is - Suffering is what happens when an outcome is not what we expected, when something we do not like happens as a result of an action done. When you give a gift to someone perhaps, the person you gave it to does not like the gift and instead of a thank you, you get a smirk. You expected the person to be excited about your gift, so this reaction makes you mad, you start thinking how ungrateful that person is, how uppity they are and how insensitive to your emotions they are. How can they not be civilized people and just smile and say thank you?!?! Yep, somehow it all comes back to you huh?
When we engage in something, if the outcome is not to our liking, we become sad, mad, irritated, disappointed, go on a rampage or start self loathing. Then we blame others for the non desirable outcome, we start the shoulda, woulda, coulda's. This is because of our expectation of how things should be. See, when we start thinking about a certain thing, it comes with it corresponding actions, then we start imagining what will happen and picture scenarios, we do this all the time, it's automatic, no question, it's built in - this is conditioning. Then we choose the outcome that we like the most and make sure that that certain outcome becomes a reality. Pushing towards this goal of an outcome, struggling so much along the way, but the thing is, if the struggle is insurmountable then that's a message, that outcome is not for you, a different outcome is on it's way, something that you might not be ready for. Outcomes are beyond our control, if they were we would never have shocks and surprises. It would be like having your own DeLorean to time travel up and down the continuum, knowing everything that was going to happen.
But what's crazy is that when physical pain happens, we wait for the body to get better, we wait for the pain to dissipate, knowing that it will, may it be a wound, illness or something in that vein. We know that the physical pain will be gone or sometimes may lead to death, and yet there is more acceptance of it. That would be the more pain yes? And yet we gravitate towards the mental pain, the unreal pain, the non physical pain, and think that it is more real, sometimes even bringing this baggage with us for a long time. We are attracted to it because we think that we can control it. A seeker knows that we control nothing.
Suffering happens in the mind, body has physical pain, but suffering of the mind is the one that we think hurts us the most. Aside from our expectations not happening, we add layers of negative emotions to it, layers like paranoia, fear, doubt and this exacerbates the pain in the moment. This layer is not even needed, it's like adding salt, lemon, lime and razors to a small cut. Funnily enough we don't stop and analyze this pain, figuring out where it came from and truly going for the anatomy of the feeling, instead we're so caught up in the drama of it. But if we do, we find out that the layers are silly and are never needed, they are all false, all imagined. They are scenarios made by the mind. All just projections, hallucinations, when you see them as they are, they loose their hold on you, and you begin to wonder why you thought about them in the first place. The original hurt you find is just the effect of circumstances, it was the perfect outcome to a particular event. We get hurt because we did not like the outcome it has produced, it did not happen as we planned it to. The more attached we are to expectations of an outcome, the more we hurt. If we let go of expectations, of our imagination of how things should be, we will start to accept things as they are, we will understand it better. We'll see why things happen they way they did, instead of a seeing it in parts, we get a bird's eye view. And we learn to accept and not be so selfish, and by lowering this self importance, we become happier. Beautiful how it works! Then we start seeing everything with fresh eyes with no prior idea or bias of how they should turn out. It's like being a child almost, seeing things for the wonder that they are. Accepting the good and bad and moving on after, leave the baggage because there are none. All things are just events, a happening. So why be exclusive and just hand pick things that you like? That is very limited, we already experience everything, all is inclusive, everything is here and now, so instead of having a narrow view, make it all encompassing, see all the colors and shapes and be thankful. That situation that you don't like is a lesson, if it didn't happen you wouldn't be where you are now, would you? No you won't, could it be that this suffering happened so that you grow from it? To learn and be more knowledgeable about something? The suffering will leave a mental mark, but in the way of lessons, after the lesson is learned, let go of the suffering.
Never attach to any event, this is the precursor of expectations, and expectation leads to suffering. As seekers we thank the suffering, as we learn from it, we try to understand it. And in time we will learn to detach from it and move on, this will be our new conditioning, layers of ignorance are shed. So as a seeker be more free from suffering, know it is not real and as anything else, shall pass. When suffering happens, question it, expose it and get to the bottom of it, do it layer by layer. More often than not, the source of the suffering was a hurt from long ago that you did not know you still carried. Feel it do not repress it, let it happen but try to understand it, the more you understand it, the less suffering stays. So rest easy, there was no burden there, they were all imaginary, suffering is a choice remember this, and your attitude towards things is something that you can change, don't get stuck in sufferings pit of despair.
Seekers have this tendency too, when not aware of something, we get carried away by emotion, then when we gather ourselves and see that it does not affect us -- sometimes guilt happens, why did I let myself go with the emotion? Why was I not aware when it happened? I may not be learning from a teaching. This is suffering too. Let go, just be, enjoy the moment. Breathe. Get back into awareness.
And as seekers, after understanding the suffering, we start to question. We investigate who is actually suffering? You'll probably say me, I'm suffering. But who are you? Are you the body? Are you the mind? A seeker knows the answer to this. You are and always have been consciousness, the Self. And the Self is not marred by suffering or any emotion, or for that fact by anything. The Self just
watches it, does not differentiate it with other feelings then choose not to feel it. No the Self does not discriminate, it is all the same to the Self, just an experience. Seekers will detach from the identity of the person, and thus will see that suffering is not a good option, indeed it is not even an option.
So now we find out that there is actually nobody who is suffering. Do not forget that this is all play, you're not the actor, not the critic, not the director, you are the screen where everything takes place. When the movie ends, the actors are gone, the sets and the scenery are gone, but the screen remains. The screen was not part of the film, it is where the film was shown.
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